I forget most of what I read
I'll finish a book and a week later everything but vague plot points, themes, and the atmosphere and flow of the work is gone to me. Must've read Cat's Cradle, Slaughterhouse-five, and Mother Night by Vonnegut at least three times each by now and if you ask me right at this moment to recall the names of all the major characters, I can't do it. Hell, if you ask me why I love them so much, my answer would be embarrassingly half-assed.
It makes reading seem like such a waste of time because I've learned and gained nothing from it but some vague entertainment I can't even properly explain without ruining the book by condensing it into some cliche - "Yeah, Cat's Cradle is about, like, the absurdity of life and humanity's need to believe in lies in order to, like, cope with that". It's so pathetic and frustrating, it really feels like I'm too stupid for this. It's the same with films and music, and don't even get me started on theatre where you can't even go back for reference if you missed something and sometimes an entire play makes absolutely no impression on you, to the extent that you don't know what the heck you just watched as you walk out the theatre hall. It's like that with my entire education too - I studied six years for a diploma and now I barely remember anything.
It really feels like something I do only because of social conditioning (smart people read books -> read books!), and I should quit it and stop pretending. But then something captures my interest and I can't help it. And then it's all for nothing again.
Just needed to vent, not looking for advice, there is no helping this.
