I have a years long history of mental illness which I won’t bore you with. Gist of it is, that I quit my job/career lost all assets, savings, some friends... then stuff started to go bad. Suicidal etc,

Then parents abandoned me. They were sickened, actually disgusted at my decision to go seek help from psychologists/therapists etc. They said that only God could help me now, then they never spoke to me again.

I was and will always be an atheist (assume painful backstory)

That was 18 months ago. I still have a hatred of them, their actions, and the terrible mistakes they made in my childhood (mostly negligence). I’m objective enough to maintain perspective, they had the best intentions, and they gave me much.

But the emotions are damaging me, what do I do?

I have CBT and counselling in the new year, but wouldn’t mind starting now, at this point in the year. Thanks in advance.