People tell me that I love seeking attention and I don't believe that to be true, I'm scared of being the center of attention. Lately I've been extremely impulsive, to the point of almost committing suicide because of how depressed and alone I've felt.

I understand that people say I seek attention now because if somebody doesn't help me nor notice me when I'm struggling I immediately feel like I've failed them, like I've failed myself, like they've failed me and that they forgot about me or are tired of me. I'm sick of that feeling but it keeps coming, and people tell me that I need to take responsibility but I don't know how... I'm scared of developing a disorder but part of me also wants to develop it in order for people to take me seriously... I've always felt like people do not take me seriously and it's always hurt me so, so much. I've been depressed and impulsive, addicted to my anxiety pills and to things that make me clumsy and drowsy, I want to be able to not do anything because I feel so overworked and I feel like people expect too much from me... too much and I cannot give it.

People treat me like I'm not trying and I am trying, but I don't know if I'm trying hard enough to get over this. I go to therapy and take medications but feel like nothing works. I feel empty, I feel like I have no identity, I feel futile, I feel like I have no opinions, no emotions... no anything.

my therapist diagnosed me with "hysterical neurosis" that could turn to BPD but heck, we're not in the Freud era... I cannot take it seriously.

I'm not asking for a diagnosis but what traits do you think I may share with any disorder or anything? I'm so confused and I don't know how to think about myself.

Help.