CW: rape/sexual assault

Okay so basically I was coerced into having sex with my (at the time) best friend, and once I confronted him about it he denied everything, refused I had ever said "no", and turned all my friends against me. I had shown signs of depression long before the indecent, but it became really bad after. I had panic attacks and was suicidal. About a year and a half later he moved from Australia to the US temporarily. It was the best six months I had since everything went south, I felt like I could do anything without risking seeing him or his friends. Eventually I found out from a mutual friend (who was incredibly supportive of me bless her soul) that he was returning. I became incredibly anxious and ended up skipping work multiple days and I had a voice in the back of my head telling me that everyone hated me and I needed to leave forever. I went to the doctor and was prescribed anti-anxiety/depressants which kept it under control (this was January 2017 so almost a year of being on them now).

This year especially has been a roller coaster for me. Cutting to the chase, I want to forget everything that happened to me before 2015. I don't want to kill myself but I don't want to be me. I want to change myself so I am a different person. I don't want people I went to school with to recognise me. This idea in my head has bothered me so much lately that I don't feel like I am anything or anyone, I feel like I have no personality and I'm empty. To add to the mix I identify as transgender and am currently seeing a psych about transitioning next year. I'm so scared that I only identify this way because I need to be someone else, even though I've shown evidence of my identity since I was young, before I was raped. I have a desperate need for change, I get tattoos and piercings every couple of months, and I dye my hair and change my style often.

I know that I can't be diagnosed online but I'm looking for advice, could this possibly be something specific? Or just symptoms of my existing depression and anxiety? Does anyone else feel this way?