Hey!

I’ve had long periods of ups and downs. A down started a couple of years ago when I was bullied by a couple of my ”friends” in class in middle school. I then started high school in a fantastic class and soon after that turned myself around. I was talking, joking and laughing, I was who I wanted to be - myself. Half a year after beginning high school I started cutting myself. Im not entirely sure why, but I think there was a mixture of reasons for it. A year later Im much better and have started to do all the things I want (except exercising, will start that when it gets warmer). Ive almost finished one of my half done projects, played the piano and my results in school got better, but Im still not myself. The funny talkative and energetic guy I am at home is nowhere to be found at school. It feels like Im back where I were in middle school.

I just want to do what Im doing now while being like I was when I started high school. I mentioned this with my counselor but I dont think she quite got it. She said that were all different at home and in school/at work. But I just feel too different to what I find normal. At home Im the familys clown. I jump around, sing, drum with my fingers and Im almost never still or quiet. At school its the complete opposite.

How can I become like Im at home/were before in school and is this some kind of anxiety thing or something else?