So, my first post on Reddit after lurking for a long time. Exciting eh? Well... I've been having a lot of problems with life and school lately. I cannot find the motivation to get anything done. It is like there's this insurmountable wall in my mind. Only sometimes do I get things done, when I'm under so much stress that I feel like a cornered animal with no other choice than to finally face my problems and fight. This, obviously, is not a viable solution for every assignment and leaves me feeling mentally exhausted for days or even weeks, and then I am right back to being late with everything. I find it easier to get things done from home. There I have floor heating, a nice chair, music, no noise and a forest outside my window. Going to and being in school takes a huge toll on me. I have tinnitus and a sensitivity to loud sounds, so taking the bus and the subway is torture. Especially the subway. Every time I take it I fear for my life, because I know that I will kill myself if my tinnitus gets worse. There's just no other way. My hearing is one of the most important things in my life. The school itself is always cold and bright, and it somehow manages to feel sterile and filthy at the same time. The people in my class are people with no ambitions. It is an education focused on art, but they are only here for the easy math and have never drawn before. Many of them drink and smoke, some do drugs. I cannot see potential friends in any of them. I am trying to change to another school, but their education is different. I will have to catch up, and I am not sure if I can do that...

I used to ride. I am trying to find a horse again. Riding school did not work out for me. I ride for fun, not for competition.

Sorry for the lack of structure in this rant.