I really want to make this on a throw away account, but fuck it right....

I get mad, beyond angry... uncontrollable anger. I've been seeking council the past year about this and other issues that feel are controlling my life, end all I'm "codependent" have not been diagnosed as depressed. Anyway... Its really hard to do some of the advice (walk away, go for a walk, meditate) as in most my occurrences are explosive if I'm triggered.

Lately, I've been getting these out of body experiences during these outbreaks. Is this part of the process of understanding my wrong doings? Or just some imaginative things going on? I tried some googling, found a similar yahoo post from someone yearsssss ago, but nothing else. ex: I tried walking away earlier from an argument at my home with my S.O., but they followed not giving me space and I exploded on them yelling and screaming, eventually finding an empty room to lock myself in. I paced for a few moments at this time I started feeling this experience of outer body: Where I felt hesitant to pick up an air can. Instantly it was in my hands and thrown at a wall causing damage... then just standing there in utter silence back in my body... staring at the hole in the wall.

Almost like I gave up power on not wanting to grab that can, to give up the responsibility and blame it on anger. I keep losing to this.