Don't know if this is the right place to be posting but just tell me to remove if I' in the wrong place. Not too sure whats wrong with me but I'm a tiny bit messed in the head I guess everyone is, but over all I feel like I'm still quite normal.

I have pretty much shut down a lot of my feelings/emotions during the past couple of years. Turned kind of cold/emotionless about things but mainly keep them to myself. I mean a recent example, was with a friend and he started to get a muscle cramp in his foot, and I basically just didn't know what to do/say in the moment, my mind was kinda blank/thinking 'oh'. He seemed to be ok after a minute so I just asked 'are you okay' and he said 'yeah' (or something like that).

I genuinely find it hard to care or remember to be the first to text/stay in contact other people who are in my life. I am stuck in my own head about 90% of the time. I think this might come from only having like 1 friend during the past like 4 years, aside from occasional boyfriends over the years. So I am just not used to knowing what to do to comfort people. I'm used to figuring out or solving all my own problems in my head. And sometimes this can get hard but I usually manage to get over it within a couple hours max.

I have kind of accepted my fate that I ride solo, I find it quite difficult to open up to people or make my own decisions when I'm around people who I like/want a friendship or relationship with. Although everyone says I'm pretty normal, and it doesn't matter that I'm a bit shy, apparently people find that cute.

I am pretty much okay with this cause it's just what I'm used to but part of me also wishes to have a real proper relationship in the future after I've fixed some of my issues/views/opinions on things. I feel like I don't know how I can get out of my own head and share my life with others more? I don't know how I'm gonna change into that person, or will it just happen over time?

Theres a lot more but don't know what to include/where to begin without sounding like a nutter hahaha. If you need any more info just message me or something. Any help or advice is appreciated.