My ex was and still is very depressed and has suicidal thoughts. She harms herself. When we were together I had fully committed myself to keeping her happy at all times. Except it didn’t work. It didn't matter if I was wrong or she was she always seemed to turn a fight around to make me end up feeling sorry for her. While you may say this is manipulation I know that she genuinely has depression issues she needs to work out. I felt like I couldn’t take the chance of not taking her seriously. If she actually tried to end her life I would never be able to forgive myself.

After a while everything took a toll on me. I've had my own depression and anxiety issues for a while . I became someone who was constantly stressed out and scared to lose the person I loved. At times I wasn't happy and I felt guilty when I felt this. Selfish. It’s hard to be happy when you’re constantly with someone who is severely depressed. It’s impossible to live your own life when it becomes centered around keeping one person happy. My main priority wasn't making sure I was happy it was making sure she was. Making sure I'd sacrifice my own happiness if it meant she could still be here on this earth.

But I had finally come to the point where I realized that I needed to start focusing on myself. I had finally realized that my life could not revolve around making her happy because she had to work on getting help. Work on wanting to be happy for herself. We broke it off. I felt selfish for doing so but I knew it was the right thing to do. I loved her and cared about her so much, but I knew it wasn't going to work. The most important thing I learned from this entire situationis it’s not your fault. If your boyfriend or girlfriend is severely depressed and wants to harm themselves it's not your fault.

You can’t handle it on your own. I tried to take on her issues on my own and felt like I had failed when I couldn’t make her happy. The reality is they have to take the steps to make themselves happy. It's not your job to try and fix everything. Ultimately they have to want it for themselves. I still keep in touch with my ex and when she gets in a place I can't get her out of it still terrifies me but I've learned I can't fix everything. I can be there for her if she needs to talk and remind her her life is not worthless but she has to find her own happiness. I hope one day she will

tl;dr: It's not your job to fix everything for someone no matter how much you love them. They have to want things to change and make that decision. Your happiness is just as important