at 18 i was in a relationship with a older woman (9years older) and i misled her (marriage and children )her for 3 years i still don´t know why i did it.

so i used this woman for 3 years and never realized it is was wrong or i was hurting her when i realized it was wrong i broke up.

a year has passed and i still feel extremly guilty about this and spend obsessing about it atleast 8 hours a day

psyatrics have diagnosed me with

iq 84 verbal 110 autism schizophrenia

i first didn´t feel too guilty at all but then some one told me it is difficult for a woman after 30 to find a partner in our country and since then i have servere mental problems

i spend 8 hours a day obsessing about what i have done and feeling guilty.