Hi there. This is going to be pretty long. I have so many issues with friendships due to my irrationality and I'm looking for a way to fix it. I'm so tired of feeling crazy and knowingly doing manipulative things. A lot of the issue lies within social media I feel, so if you have advice on how I can make social media less important to me, let me know. I've noticed that I show some symptoms of BPD, but I don't want to self diagnose myself. I'm an 18 year old female senior in high school for reference. I'm going to list them so it's easier to digest:

1. I've found that once I have more than one friend group, I find a way to somehow distance myself from the 'older' friend group (let's call it group A) by trying to make them jealous of my newer friend group (group B). I'll purposely make an excuse to not hang out with group A, then make plans with group B and post pictures on social media so that group A would get offended/jealous. I was doing this subconsciously at first, but once I noticed it, I started doing it consciously and couldn't stop.

2. I have a friend who I've been friends with forever, in friend group A. I've known her the longest, and find myself getting actual anxiety attacks when she's mad at me because I'm terrified of not having any friends for the last couple months of high school. I don't have intentions of staying super close to any of them after high school (including her), but I feel sort of obsessed with her in a way because I get offended when she doesn't post me on social media like our other friends, or even acknowledge that we're friends. This is weird because I know that I don't really care about being close to her in the grand scheme of things. It sometimes feels like she's doing the same thing I do in #1.

3. (Kind of connecting to #1 and#2) I use social media at a lot to make subliminal messages to my friends (AKA sub tweets). Usually I'll complain about when "people" do something that I don't like, keeping it specific enough so they know it's about them, but generic enough for me to deny it. I thought I did this to get a rise out of them, but when I finally get confronted about it, I'm met with the same anxiety in #2 (heart beating uncontrollably, sweating, crying even)... which is weird because in a way, I wanted the confrontation.

4. Although I am getting better at this one, I used to and still do instigate drama between people a lot. If someone talks bad about some else to me, I end up finding a way for them to find out without me explicitly telling them (so that I'm not labeled a snitch or anything). I thought I did this because I liked drama, but once this actually does start drama, I'm begging for it to end.

These are the big ones, and writing them out made me feel like a psychopath but also a little happy because at least I'm aware of what I'm doing and am looking for a way to stop it. Thanks in advance, sorry this is so long.