My stepfather and mother got into an argument a few days ago and I got dragged into it. It brought me back to my childhood watching my mom and dad fighting and me always getting involved and crying. I've always been a crier and I fucking hate it. For once I'd just like to be able to deal with a conflict without fighting back tears and ultimately loosing control.

It's embarrassing because my stepfather doesn't deserve to see me cry the man is fifty years old and stooped to the level of pointing his fat sausage finger in my face and calling me a brat. In my head I wanted to get mad not sad. I've read about conflict resolution, I tried to be rational as possible and this ancient child resorted to name calling and he even called me a baby a for crying. In my head I was like wow this guy is really pathetic, crying over this would be like an adult crying because a 5 year old called him a poopy head, and I can be the bigger person here. Yet out of nowhere I went from calm to emotional I felt the dam was breaking and no amount of reason or rationale could stop it. It didn't even make sense, I was fine I was doing great, I don't understand why I got so upset.

I could see every manipulation he was pulling and it was obvious, my mom had him in a corner and he brought me into the argument as a distraction even though I had nothing to do with it and was minding my own business. I knew what he was doing and I cried anyway, that's the part that bothers me the most. I don't care that he called me a name, i just hate that he got to feel like he won, and that his bullshit manipulation tactic went unnoticed. This moron that I barely know, and lost all respect for, made me cry.

I tried counting to ten, taking deep breaths, taking a break from the situation, but once the seal breaks I just can't get the urge to cry to stay down. This is my least favorite thing about myself. Arguments seem to come up so much in my life and nothing ever gets solved because everything gets so emotional.