Hey guys. I've never really been on this subreddit before, and obviously I know the best advice is to go see a doctor to get the true answer. long story short, i've suffered with depression and anxiety for as long as i can remember, i'm 23 but i was only just diagnosed when i was put into a inpatient mental hospital last September. they officially diagnosed me with major depression and anxiety when I was hospitalized, after not being brave enough to do it for the longest time. after that, i saw a therapist for around a month or so who was not great at her job. she was just a therapist who typed what i said, didn't really ask me many questions, didn't really do i guess what i'd expected a therapist to ask? they've also put me on antidepressants since the hospital.

i've always known about bipolar disorder but i guess i've never really thought about what it was like and truly knowing what it was like to experience it and it's different forms but recently a friend was describing how they would feel just so okay and happy with their life at one point and then suddenly just felt like they wanted to die and like for months at a time it was one or the other. they felt like they'd be so down but then just kinda felt fine and it was hard to explain.

i've personally felt like, i've been the same way? i go through times where i'm like 'man i'm so lonely, i have no friends i need new friends' and so i envelop myself in a new fandom or hobby and things are good and fun and i feel like i'm getting somewhere in my life and this can go on for months or like a year at a time but then i'll go into this 'just leave me a lone' i want to be alone and i end up like ignoring all these friends i'd made and feeling the absolute worst and like there's no other solution. i experience ups and downs like through the day but it's just like.. i'm fine keeping myself distracted but once i think about everything or i'm not distracted my thoughts will just race about how awful things are and everything wrong with the world and life and then an hour later i'll feel like fine?

is this normal to depression/anxiety or does this sound like maybe i should see a therapist or someone about possibly having some other issues besides depression/anxiety to look into? please help, it seems like any time i feel like i should mention it i feel like it's just me being a hypochondriac or overthinking everything. i guess if anyone who struggles or lives with bipolar disorder in any of it's forms could help me out or kind of help describe what it's like it'd help a whole lot? thank you.