Hi. I (F,30) am normal looking girl by today's standarts, have very nice bf, normal family, I am pretty good (workaholic) CG artist and have a lot of ideas, but something is missing in my life.

I left my job 2 month ago and have a lot of free time to think about my life and personal stuff, but I found out that I just don't want to do anything at all. 0 ambitions, 0 motivation, 0 goal. I am becoming more introverted and existential crisis attacks. I realised all my life I was living as others wanted me to live. Now I can't make decisions, I contact with people normally, but hide all that toxic stuff inside me, I react at their stories as normal people do, but its fake, I don't find much sense in anything at all.

I like science , but its already late for me to try it. It feels like all this years I ve been living someone else's life and that makes me hate myself more. By blaming my surroundings and family, I am not sure that I love anyone anymore. It hurts so much that Sometimes want to end it asap. I feel lost and lonely. I wish I could gift my life to someone who really deserves and would appreciate it.I am really trying to find anything to live for.

How to figure out what's wrong? What to do?