I live in Canada, and have been seeing a talk therapist for the last few months since having my child.

I have been depressed and anxious most of my life, but as I get older it seems to compound and get worse, and have been having major panic attacks and feeling suicidal/self-harmy. I am starting to think that I'll never be better and will always suffer like this. I have issues with trust and connection from childhood, but like, I really just want to be better.

So I've taken the step against my fear and made an appointment. I've been waiting a month and a half, and it's next monday, and I'm scared. Medication scares me. My doctor scares me, I had brought my issues to him earlier in 2017 and he told me to "Get my shit together." which really made me reluctant to seek further help. (I'm glad I eventually did)

I believe I'm suffering postpartum depression, and it's starting to look like I have BPD (according to my therapist, I at least show some symptoms, and have been recommended to see a group therapy session which I will attend)

I am just really scared. I'm scared I will never heal, or get better. I'm scared of medication in general because of all the side effects and the stories people tell. I'm just looking for some affirmation, or some personal stories, some good news I guess. I want to grow to be happy and healthy. I can barely get out of bed at this point, which I never fully understood the "at least you got out of bed" or "at least you ate something" sort of goal post, but my goodness, do I ever get it now.