I've been reading through accounts of other people who have survived attempts and it's inspired me to share my own, hopefully it might help someone.

The basic backstory for it is that since the age of 13/14 I've wished to have not been born and for my life to be over.

Eventually I reached a point where everything was too much, and I mentally broke. I did an awful thing to alienate all the people who otherwise would have been hurt by it, my memory of that time is still broken and hazy, and I'm not sure I'll ever understand what was going through my head. I probably hurt them more than if I'd have just gone straight for the attempt but at the time I wasn't thinking properly.

I ended up stabbing myself in the neck, in an attempt to sever my carrotid artery.

After 30 seconds I realised I'd missed the spot and went for another attempt but I was already too weak to do anything else, so I spent the next 12 hours outside in the middle of the night, fading in and out.

When I woke up and the sun was up all I could think about was getting a drink, I remember a raindrop hitting my lips and it being the most euphoric sensation I've ever felt, eventually a guy walked by and I shouted asking for a drink and he ended up called an ambulance.

Turns out I was scarily close to death and by rights shouldn't have survived.

I was emotionally numb for a few days, angry that I'd failed, then after speaking to my family who hadn't been a part of my life for a long time, started to hate myself for trying.

I got help and spoke to professionals, ended up in a psychiatric unit and spent a month getting used to who I was now.

For the first time I can remember, I'm happy to be alive. I've been having dreams where someone is trying to kill me and the weird part is I like them because I desperately don't want to die and it's still a new feeling.

I'll never stop hating myself for the way I hurt and alienated the people who cared for me at the time, and I wish I'd have gotten help sooner, it's the single biggest regret I'll have for the rest of my life.

Depression is absolutely terrifying, and the help I've been given has undoubtedly changed my life for the better, don't be like me, get help before you end up hurting the people who care about you.

I'm not looking for kind words or anything like that by sharing this, I just hope that someone who reads this might get help and have a better life because of my own mistakes.