I am unsure if this is the right place to ask for advice, but I'm also unsure of what I can do or what I should do. I've tried so many things that I think I should be doing, but they just fall through. I'll try to explain calmly here because everything will pour out of me otherwise and it'll be a mess.

If anyone has any local advice I live in Australia.

Basically I think I am suffering from mental health problems, but I'm also not sure as to what as I haven't a reference. I know that seems strange but I second guess almost everything because I usually feel okay most days. Plus everyone else seems so sure of what's going on with themselves that I feel embarrassed for not knowing.

Everything I experience changes day to day, week to week or I simply just forget about it until it builds up again.

It could be anxiety and panic attacks, irritability and overreactions, anger and crying in the form of irrational meltdowns that take hours to fall out of, or confusion and forgetfulness. This all usually happens in the privacy of my home, because I simply couldn't bare the thought of someone seeing me do these things.

If it's nothing mentioned above, I'm my neutral, content self. I can get pushed into meltdowns while content, but it takes a lot of pushing.

I do my best to get on with life and "blend in", but most of the time I'm definitely not okay. I hate work, I hate most people and I just want to quit my job, be home in my bed and do nothing. But I can't do that so I keep everything in and try to get through each day hoping that it'll just magically get better.

It's effecting my work terribly. I'm so tired, I can't focus, I'm severely distracted and when people talk to me or give me directions I simply don't take anything in. I worry about this constantly as I don't know why this happens but I'm worried that someone will notice and I'll get in trouble.. This can only last for so long right?

My bf is my best friend, but is the only person in the world that knows me 100%. I open up to him, but he simply can't help me because he doesn't know how. I can't rely on him because it's unfair. I don't have any good friends that aren't colleagues and I can't compromise my job by opening up to them.

I don't have a support network. My eldest brother and my father suffer from neurodegenerative disorders and simply can't help for obvious reasons.

I will mention here that I may have the neurodegenerative disorder too, but I'm too afraid, anxious to get tested. I worry that I am exhibiting symptoms, but it's so rare that there is no reference as everyone exhibits the symptoms differently or at different ages. I watched my Brother develop this and saw how hard it was to lose his everything. I would 100% rather die or kill myself than slowly lose myself. It terrifies me more than anything in this world. I also want to start a family, but I simply can't because of so many unknowns.

My other family include two half siblings that have their own undiagnosed mental health issues. My mum is caught in the middle and it's ruining her own mental health. My family is a mess. I've tired explaining my concerns to my mum, but it just turns into a conversation about my half siblings and their problems. I'm pretty estranged from the rest of my family and have no grandparents either. I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel so alone and scared.

As much as I want to, I simply can't open up to anyone I don't know, don't feel comfortable with, or who I feel aren't listening (which is a problem in itself). That or I hold my tongue to try and seem "normal" or "not rude". I don't even know why this happens - I even do this with professionals.

Ive tried seeing three psychologists recently but they've all been bad experiences.

The first was over a year ago and I saw her 10 times. She would let me ramble on the whole time and eventually tried to get me to do graphic design work for her business (I studied graphic design). I felt like she was only using me and felt uncomfortable enough that I never went back. This same psychologist told me that I had aspergers, but I don't know how true this is as it was only a hunch. I'm currently choosing to ignore it.

The second I didn't connect with and cried all the way home after my 3 sessions with her... I felt brushed over and invisible and that she was approaching my issues with generic solutions that I could have googled. I felt useless and worthless as was trying so hard, spent all my money and took work off to get help and it wasn't working.

The third took some time to find and was better for two sessions, but she was similar to the previous psychiatrist and only wanted to focus on my anxiety. I thought this was okay at first, but I started having better days in between sessions, got distracted with other things and forgot about the anxiety and my problems (this happens a lot). Then I just second guessed myself, felt guilty that my problems weren't real, became unsure and now here we are all over again.

I know I should stick it out with one psychologist, but I really don't like the ones I've seen so far..

Two weeks ago in a blind panic I tried using a support system through work, but it made me feel worse - I keep getting told that psychology is the only solution but I keep doing it wrong. I feel like a failure.

Am I missing something obvious here? If anyone has any advice that would be very much appreciated because I'm at a complete loss.