Hey guys, so I've just been thinking a lot about what I should go about with my mental health now that I have health insurance.

I'm a 21 year old male, 135lbs 5'9

Let's just say, I don't THINK I am depressed. I have suffered from depression in the past - but I don't believe that is the root of my mental health.

All my life, I've been extremely hyperactive and anxious. Since a young kid I have had an extremely hard time focusing on tasks - I leave a lot of stuff undone, I get distracted very easily, and my mind is always going 100mph. I could say it's ADHD (though I've never been diagnosed), but this really was the root of my mental health issues throughout my teenage years. My thoughts would just bounce from one thing to another.

An example - I would be at school, I could focus on the class work for two minutes, then I hear someone flicking their pencil on their desk, I analyze and hyperfocus on that for 5 minutes, I then hear and see a cool bird in a tree outside - I hyperfocus on that, next thing I know class is over and I didn't get any school work done, all my work is unorganized, etc... I got awful grades all throughout school.

Around 12 years old I started getting severe panic attacks - because these jumbled thoughts and not being able to focus/calm down on individual thoughts started to turn into negative thoughts. For instance, I would hyperfocus on my breathing patterns, then I would hyperfocus on reality. My thoughts would scatter from thought to thought to the point where I would have a full blown panic attack and disassociate. This went on for about two years, then I learned to cope with it and eventually it just went away.

But the ADHD like tendencies never went away. In High School I then started to get depressed, I believe, from my ADHD/social anxiety. I couldn't do good in school, I was terrible with social situations, I was shy, I couldn't focus on conversations cuz my mind would be elsewhere.

At 18, I got 51/50'd for trying to overdose on Ibuprofen (I know, lmao... Should've done my research first cuz all I got was an upset stomach). This suicide attempt was because my girlfriend left me for another guy at the time, and she was really the only person keeping me stable. The only one that made me feel good about myself, and made me feel like I wasn't messed up mentally.

I got prescribed Zoloft for my depression at the hospital, and took it when I got dishcarged for two weeks. Worst feeling ever. I cut them cold turkey. I would have muscle twitches, disassociate panic attacks, vivid dreams, couldn't eat, it was absolutely terrible. I felt my personality changing. I then came to the conclusion I would never, ever take antidepressants again. I can't go through that experience, I don't care how depressed I am.

At 20, I started the use of cocaine when it got introduced from one of my friends. This almost seemed like my medicine (in a delusional sense). It helped me focus... It made me feel productive... I could now get tasks done... But I was naive, and really didn't know much about the drug. I used pretty heavily for 5 months believing this was helping my ADHD like symptoms, little did I know, it just wasted all my money and left me cranky when I was coming down and messed with my sleep patterns...

Now - lastly, about 3 weeks ago I tried crystal meth for the first type (snorted), which this I KNEW my purpose of using it. I figured, if I have had ADHD like symptoms all my life, and I can't get a script because I have health insurance for any medication for ADHD, this has some of the same properties as Adderall etc. Now I didn't dose this correctly at all... I did it for about 3 days dosing way too much (0.3-0.4g a day) and I barely slept and barely ate, and had to go to the hospital because I legit was convinced I was gonna have a heart attack...

Now, I have health insurance. And I know for a fact my drug history (which they KNOW about) is gonna affect psychiatric prescriptions. I really want to try to get a script for Vyvanse or Adderall, because I have tried both (XRs), and they helped me so much... I had NO anxiety, I focused, I prioritized, I was extremely productive. It's like I was getting everything I needed to get done, done. And it felt great. It made me feel like I found the cure to my mental state.

I never abused them, I knew how to dose these. And I treated them like an actual medicine when using them. I have never had anything help or work as well, medicinally, as these...

Now - my question is; if I go and see a doctor and elaborate on basically everything I said right here ^{^} and give them a clear thesis of my past and my drug use, do you think I could possibly get a diagnosis for ADHD, and get prescribed the medication that could help me?

Or do you think my history of cocaine abuse / the time I did crystal meth and got hospitalized just blew my shots at getting medicated any kind of med in that category? They ARE on my health records.

Thank you guys - any advice helps a bunch... I live in California by the way and have Medi-Cal insurance (the free insurance for poor people like myself lol)