I don't have any mental health issues, and I don't really like to post online or look up advice because most of the things I see are things I've already thought about and understand, but I think I just need to vent and don't know where to do it other than here.

2018 has been a bit of a bummer for me, my girlfriend unexpectedly broke up with me two weeks ago, she was my first relationship and it brought on a load of new emotions and confusion. I understand why she did it, I wasn't the best boyfriend and I was really lazy. I was in between work and studying and had nothing to do for a month, so I would sit and play video games all day and didn't have money to take her out and do things, so she was really struggling with our relationship and afraid that I didn't love her anymore. She isn't the best with expressing her feelings so by the time she did it was already too late and we broke up. It was so devastating for me and I've felt very lonely since. I moved across the country just over two years ago and haven't really put in the effort to make new friends, so in a way she was all I had. It's okay though because I'm starting a diploma in music in two weeks and I will meet new people with similar interests, and I did learn a lot from our relationship so that will help in the future. I've been doing okay, meditating a lot and spending less time on video games, but I still have my moments. I miss her a lot.

Today I was doing fine until my mum had a break down. She's dealt with depression all her life and today she hit probably the lowest point I've seen her at. She has been playing a text based online game on and off for almost twenty years now, and for the past year aside from work all she has done is play that game and drink. She's not been doing well for a couple of weeks now and today she really scared me. She came out the back while I was having a cigarette and kissed me on the forehead and said 'tell your sister I love her'. She tried to walk out the front door and drive away before my stepdad took her keys away (she was a bit drunk). She then stormed out the front door and disappeared, and I found a suicide note on her computer desk. She came back after about fifteen minutes and had a bath. She seems to be feeling a bit better but it was still a big scare to everyone in the house.

I hate to act a victim and say my life sucks because I'm not and it doesn't, but this year has been pretty rocky so far and I have a lot of thoughts racing around in my head.

Sorry if this isn't the right place to post this but I don't really know who to talk to at the moment.