...Oh what a wonderful day it would be, when my ego dies, and I can love you without reservation. When I can destroy all of my lies, the ones that are so deeply ingrained that I'm not even aware of them. My love, all I want to do is to love you without rumination, without wallowing in self-pity, without playing these games with myself (the lies I don't even know about), to experience real empathy, and real love. I want my cognition to shut down, and I want to love you but that may never happen, because I'm pathologically obsessed with my ego, my need for superiority, my image for perfection and innocence, my code of ethics. I'm not even sure if I'm lying. I want to break for you. I need to break for you. I'll never deny you or your view.

It's still there - I'm so great. What terrifies me is it may never happen. I'll never fall in love again, because I can't let go of this. I'm basically the poet guy in the movie mother! I can't let go of my own ideas, my own narcissism, and really love the woman who loves me. I hope it happens soon. I hope I break. I don't know how much I believe in free will, but I'm waiting for the flood gates to break open.