Hi Reddit,

I'll try to keep this as brief and as short as possible, but basically I am asking for your help and wondering whether you think therapy could help me.

To start things off with, I've always had low self-confidence. I am a decent looking, fit, 23 year old man, but for most of my childhood/time in high school, I was skinny, short, etc. and made fun of for that. People saw me as a joke, made fun of me, etc. I definitely developed body image issues to the point where I wouldn't take my shirt off at the beach starting at the age of around 13. I was never beat up or stuffed in trash cans, but I certainly was the butt of jokes and looked down upon by people because I was seen as weak. I've had teachers, coaches, etc. tell me I couldn't do things because I was too short at the time.

Needless to say, this has had a profound impact on me. I've had social anxiety for years (it's very mild now, but was bad a few years ago). Above all, I have unstable relationships with women, constantly coming on too strong, being jealous, desperate, etc. I am well-educated, have a great sense of humor, am very independent, and am reasonably decent looking, and yet, I have such an inability to build a romantic relationship. I scare women off before I even have a chance and self-destruct incredibly. I am incredibly close with a number of women -- but I don't think there is a woman in my life who I haven't had a falling out with over something I created/some jealousy/etc.

This has also translated into a very frustrating experience with sex that I can't put my finger on or fully explain why I do it. I have a high sex drive, but I associate orgasm and sex with negative feelings. In my college days, I sexted countless women and had sex with probably around 10-11 women. I kept doing it and yet, I found myself being riddled with guilt, shame, and depression after these experiences. And yet, I continued to be aroused, seek these experiences out, and feel the same negative emotions after. Today, I've stopped sleeping with random people, but my pursuit of sex still exists -- most paradoxically -- even when I don't want it. I'll try to sleep with someone even when I know I don't want to actually do it or go through with it. I've concluded I want to feel loved and wanted and desired and that's why I pursue it, but why do I do it still, knowing my negative feelings that will ensue afterwards? How can I continue to be aroused/hit up women for sex even though I know I don't want it? Is this just poor self control?

I concluded in the last few years that much of my behavior and lack of success with women in developing lasting relationships was because of my lack of self-confidence. I just have been so unable to fix my behavior and continue to repeat the same mistakes over and over, despite being fully aware of it.

How do I change this? I feel resigned to this just being the way I am forever, but it's so frustrating watching myself repeat the same mistakes over and over and yet, so unable to change them. Can therapy TRULY change me or will it just tell me what I already know?

Thanks so much, everyone!