I'm 22, male and diagnosed with Schizotypal personality disorder. Originally this post was a part of a longer comment here but because the comment got way too long and started to trail off topic I decided to split it in two and post the rest here.

I was a violent kid. Explosive temper, scratching, biting, hitting, it never ended. Luckily my parents found a way for me to vent my anger before I hurt anyone seriously. I was given my own private space that no one was allowed to enter if I was in it (it was a closet under the stairs, classic). In that space were several stuffed animals that I have ripped to shreds, pillows and a mattress because sometimes I yelled so loud and long I nearly passed out from the lack of oxygen, and then there was a notebook. My own private notebook that no one else was allowed to see. I had the permission to draw and write absolutely anything in that notebook. Any time violent thoughts flooded my brain I went into that closet, abused the stuffed animals and then drew in my notebook. The pictures were extremely disturbing. Decapitations, torture, guts ripped out, people torn in half, people on fire, limbs getting ripped off, all kinds of horrifying shit with a surprising amount of detail considering I was about 5 years old.

The notebook method worked, and by the time I started school I was able to contain my violence. It was all in my head. There were a few instances where I got in trouble at school for violence, but they were all because a bully had pushed me too far; I once kneed this one asshole in the balls 3 times in a row because he had his friends hold my arms while he slapped me around and tried to spit on my face (the loser spat on his own shirt instead). I lost it and somehow ripped myself free from his friends who were both taller and bigger than me. I remember seeing nothing but red and hearing the bully start to cry from the pain. This incident gave me a bad reputation as a weirdo, someone insane (they were right, I was insane, but you know how cruel kids can be). Kids started to avoid me. No one wanted to have anything to do with me. With time the bullying got worse and worse since I never acted out again, I just let it happen. It took 5 years for me to lay my hand on another person again.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. I had my head filled with nightmarish thoughts almost 24/7. All the images of torture, cruelty and gore were still in my head. Imagine seeing someone's face every day and wanting nothing more than to rip his eyeballs out but you know you can't do that. You know you have to contain yourself, that you can't do anything about the rage. I was once so angry, so full of rage that I couldn't calm down until I hit a brick chimney until my knuckles bled. I still have the scar from that to this day. The only thing that could reliably calm me down was household pets. I wanted nothing more than to have a dog to keep me company, to be the friend I never had, but my parents refused to get any pets. Not even a cat, even though they largely take care of themselves. I wanted to kill both of them so bad. I had fantasies about kidnapping people from my school, my parents, anyone that pissed me off and torturing them until they begged for forgivness. This was the darkest time of my life.

What calmed me down? Getting a diagnosis. When I got diagnosed my parents finally understood and didn't treat me poorly anymore. That helped a little bit. Moving away from home, alcohol and cannabis have mellowed me an incredible amount. The violence is still in my head and it will be there forever, but it isn't a daily struggle anymore. What used to be rage near breaking point has turned into a morbid and very dark sense of humour. What used to be fantasies of torture has turned into a morbid fascination with death. I don't want to hurt anyone, but violence will always be an integral part of my thought process. I still think about death, pain and violence every day, but it's no longer me who commits those acts in my thoughts. It's always someone else. I no longer fantasize about causing death and destruction, I'm merely fascinated by it.

That's how I turned into this fucked up person I am, by being much much worse as a kid.