• Spilled either too much information to people (or not enough, as I knew I was weird, but wanted to hide it)
• Used to take things literally
• Naive
• Vivid imagination
• Started reading at a young age
• First words were "mama baby up"
• As a 10 year old back in the day, was obsessed with moles. Drew them, researched them, pretended I was one
• very shameful for me to say (lots of guilt with this one, and I've told this only to one person, so please don't give me hell, I know it was terrible, and to this day I deeply regret it) killed a crow mercilessly at 12 years of age.
• Contact with eyes was and still can be awkward and uncomfortable.
• Social anxiety, of bullying, but getting better as years go by

The thing is though, I don't "get" things. I feel like I'm dumb. I was one of the "Last ones" to get a joke. Sometimes, once in a while, sarcasm went over my head... But I feel I'm getting it now. Very musically gifted, with strong sense of tune. But cannot understand rhythm on a page. I grew up learning music by reading notes, and learning the rhythm by my piano teacher playing the song before I learnt it. I still do not understand reading rhythm, or time signatures... My theory teacher described me as "a loose cannon" one minute I would understand something, and the next, not understand. Same with math. Absolutely dumbfounded with math.

Over the years, people have called me, "ditz, low, stupid" etc. Because I was on the naive, immature side, and have taken things literally, or misunderstood what someone was saying.

My dad's side is brilliant. My dad had an IQ around 145, and my aunt held a position in Canadian politics. My dad was very similar to me... He had a suspicion we might be on the ASD spectrum, but I am very unsure. I actually was screened for aspergers, and I am not on the spectrum, though closer than average.

My dads side does have a history of a mystery mental illness. It's been suspected one of my other aunts might have had schizophrenia, but no official diagnosis. She would talk to herself, have violent fits of rage, get physically violent, yell. She literally painted her car yellow, to avoid the government following her, and broke in her old house because she missed it just to sleep on the new homeowners couch.

Basically, my family members are anxious, strange, might say some outright things that might not be fitting for a situation. Brilliant, and at the same time, ditzy.

A few of my family members ARE strange. Anxiety, just weirdness. Though brilliant. There was a lot of sexual abuse on my dads side back in the day, so if that was part, or contributed to their mental illnesses, I don't know.

My half sister on my father's side is absolutely brilliant, and I suspect she would be more on the ASD side than my father and I. But she is blunt in wording, she has no filter in her words, is depressed, and wants assisted suicide to become legal here in our country. Her fraternal twin (my half brother) seemed great at first. But he was diagnosed with ADHD. Would ask you questions after you told him the answer. Was raised in a Christian home... Later on, realized, he sexually molested every female cousin he was in contact with, eventually including me, his sister. I was very straightforward with him, and told him what he did was wrong. He felt that I had attacked him in some way. He didn't fully realize the extent of what he done. (Though he felt remorse)

Anyways, lots of crazy stuff. Wondering if anything really stands out, if it's nothing but a personality quirk brought on by abuse and some genetic mental issues/combined illness that is expressed and shown in different ways, I'm not sure.

Can you help me out, or is it a lost cause? :(

Thank you.