Hi guys so it is a little hard to convince myself to go to the psychologist ( it is free because I go to a UC).

I have problems dealing with anxiety and change. 3 years ago I was probably somewhat close to committing suicide. I mean at least I think so. I’d always tell myself if x didn’t happen I’d do it and I usually choose an x that I was pretty sure it would happen.

Anyway the reason why I’m saying it is because 4 months ago things started to click. Things that went poorly in life started to go better and I felt like everything was falling in place. I did have what I think is a litte too much anxiety when taking tests (some is fine but I think mine is too much). And some changes started happening and I just feel like this self that was happy and felt everything was great is not me. Like I don’t deserve it. And while I think (hope) I will go back to that in maybe a week or two. But part of me just wants to give up because I don’t feel like I deserve it or that the miserable me is the real me if that makes sense.

I just really need better tools to control anxiety and change. Like the change right now is not necessary bad (it’s not good either), but I am left with this discomfort like I don’t belong anywhere. And as for my anxiety I’ve always been anxious but could never find a way to control it. I am very impatient when it comes to waiting for things or anxious for tests. Part of me just wants to vent. Thanks