Sorry to vent but I really think I'm starting to need help...like proper help. For the past 5 years I have suffered with highs and lows of mental health but am starting to see a pattern form- during winter I am so low it's crippling...I can't sleep properly, I either eat to little or too much and am always so tired. I don't enjoy anything I used to and I am so irritable and snappy, being wound up by the smallest things. But then when I'm okay I am almost euphoric (usually most of summer)...I feel on top of the world and like I can do anything. This also leads to me being really impulsive and doing things like quitting my job, buying things I can't really afford or don't need, breaking off relationships and then being horrified about it later etc. I seem to be cycling through good and bad a lot more lately and when I am down the thoughts I'm starting to get are horrible, sometimes even brinking suicidal. I do the usual things like exercising, trying to take care of myself by eating the right foods etc. and have had counselling etc. before but I always seem to end up in the same situation...if a doctor doesn't try to ram anti depressants down my throat first (they always, always make me feel 100 times worse...have been on them 3 times now). I've tried mindfulness etc. and meditation but still don't seem to be getting anywhere and I am absolutely terrified that a doctor is just going to tell me I'm being stupid and that I'm self diagnosing things that aren't there. I am at my wits end and I am exhausted with trying to figure out what is wrong with me all the time...I am destroying my friendships and relationships without meaning to and just, yeah. I just need someone to tell me that it'll be alright and that I'm not going crazy because I feel like I am.

Does any one have any tips on how I can get my doctor to take me seriously so that I am not passed off with anti depressants or being told that it's just my hormones?

P.S I currently live in the UK