I have Social Anxiety Disorder and finding a job has just been really difficult. I'm alone nearly all of the time and I am totally ashamed of my life. I have just too much time to be alone with my thoughts and I have spiraled a few times into really obsessively thinking about the past. It's been awful. Lately, it's been a fixation on my first love, someone who prior to this, I had been over for years and years, even ignoring him when he repeatedly contacted me several years ago. I have had two long term relationships since then. That was socially the best time of my life. I had him and a really strong group of friends who I loved very dearly. He was protective and experienced and I think my brain just misses that. But it was a long time ago and I feel silly for obsessing about it now. I have a therapist and we have been talking about it, but I'm still really embarrassed. I just feel like i'm crazy, i'm an adult who is fixating on something that happened a decade ago and i'm not entirely sure why it's popping up now.