Hey guys,

My partner has BPD, and is incredibly difficult to handle. Most nights she's not only highly critical of everything I say but also everything I appear to be thinking or could be thinking. Every day it's "I'm just having a bad day today" but everything from me trying to make jokes to having a slight difference of opinion is a fork in the road with consequences and hostility.

Has anyone here been with anyone with BPD or have BPD themselves?

I'm not sure how much of this is just garden variety depression or whether it's attributed to her treatment of me. When I first started dating her, everything was pretty ok she was just a bit fiery and I was a really calm, carefree guy who enjoyed pursuits of intellect and getting lost in books or games. Now I'm afraid to see anyone I know, make friends, change plans, or do anything I enjoy. I am in constant fear that I'm going to upset her or make her feel worse, because I love her. Sometimes she's great and the BPD takes a back seat but I'm concerned that this might be a result of exposing myself to controlling behavior.

About 2 years ago was the worst, when she was explosively angry, and emotionally and physically abusive. I again can't tell if its the rest of my complicated life or not but I'm so down all the time, so tense, and really tired. I feel like I have a child.

Is it possible to love harmoniously with someone with BPD or is it always going to be this hard? Has anyone gone through something similar where they've lost all sense of identity, and their own personal life from being so close to someone with BPD?

Thanks. Any input or stories are more than welcome.