I lost my son to sids three months ago, he was three months old. I loved him more than anything and it’s torn my world apart... I love my baby’s father very much and we are together still, but he became violent to me one day, hasn’t since but I’m concerned about staying with him. That being said, the only way I feel ill ever heal from my broken heart is to have another baby; I know I shouldn’t with him, as it would be unwise because of his violence, and even if that wasn’t a factor, he says he doesn’t want to for at least 6+ years. there’s more to it, as also have extreme trust issues due to growing up with a sexually abusive father and a lying mother, which also puts a toll on our relationship as I am always worried and anxious and have no trust. But the suicidal thoughts never happened till I lost my son. I don’t want to think about suicide as an option anymore, but everyday I wake up I feel depressed, empty, in disbelief. I just want to be with my child again. I’ve been thinking of ways to carry out suicide.. but I also don’t think I can do that to my boyfriend because it would hurt him to lose us both... I’m at my wits end...thinking abou getting some antidepressants but even when I was on those, life is so hard. I don’t know how to cope with this. Everyday I feel envious of other women and their children and I’m hurting and I don’t want to live like this. Help!