my boundaries are non-existent. i've been in a situation where my therapist told me that my mental illness is malignant and i can't get that out of my head, she literally told me that i'm a hopeless case, indirectly.

i don't have motivation for anything. i can get out of bed, but i see no purpose in anything. i stopped talking to everyone, NOTHING interests me, i value NOTHING in my life, not even my health, people are leaving because i'm not interesting because my mind is blank and i am nothing.

and when i say that i want to die, everyone wants to save me. just tell me fucking why, just tell me what is the point of keeping me alive AND NOT HELPING ME IN ANY WAY?

does anyone know how horrible it is to scream for help (both literally and metaphorically) and everyone is just watching you and staying silent? do you know how awful it feels?

and my friends are telling me that i'm pathetic and too sick for them and a burden and i'm even a burden to myself and no, telling all of this doesn't mean that i will kill myself i just feel incredibly hopeless

i feel stupid, i don't understand the world around me, i don't understand anything and i have no motivation to change anything because whenever i wanted to change something it always failed and i got tired and people are calling me lazy, but the truth is that i only lack hope

and i don't think there is a way out. i've been dealing with mental health problems for 5 years and i'm very young. very, very young.

is there any fucking hope for me? and the fact that i don't know how to describe my problem concretely is another reason why i think i have a brain problem.

i'm just all lost and i have no directions and honestly i'm not even trying anymore i'm not trying to do anything with my life anymore and i will just isolate and rot in peace because i want to die and i feel like soon, i will