Trying to keep this as short as possible, i'm just going to give a summary. I cannot seem to get my ex boyfriend (who raped me, abused me, and drove me to a suicide attempt) out of my mind. The doctors say it's because of my BPD. I feel like I am spinning out of control. I've been doing everything that I can since my suicide attempt to change who I am and stay off the grid. I just want a new identity and to start over. Now I'm getting these impulses to do insane destructive things that I wouldn't normally do: speed down the highway and shoot out the window with a gun, have sex with all of my ex's best friends, do a shit-ton of drugs, kill someone, kill myself, set my ex's house on fire, etc. Obviously I haven't actually done any of these ideas yet. But this urge to do something just keeps growing. If I don't figure out how to get it under control, i'm going to have to do something that i'll regret.