This is hard to write. Thank you.

I have had depression for over a decade now. I have been recently diagnosed with Avoidance Personality Disorder, I've struggled with anxiety most of my life, and I don't have really a happy outlook on things.

Recently, life has been really tumultuous. I've gained 100lbs since highschool. I'm a compulsive liar and have to constantly catch myself saying bullshit that doesn't matter. I have a severe chronic illness that limits my ability to enjoy lifting like I used to and makes the winter especially unbearable. I had one last refuge of things I love, my hair, and last night it started breaking off two inches from my scalp and large chunks are falling out.

Basically, I've lost everything I've taken pride in. I have no time for self care between moving apartments and work, I have no privacy living with my partner at his parents house, and at this point I feel like unless I do drugs, this is my rock bottom. I've had full on panic attacks at work from all the daily stress, but I can't cut back on hours because it is paying for my insurance and education.

How do you find self esteem when you're unable to enjoy anything physically or mentally about your self? How do you keep going when life keeps throwing roadblocks in your way? I feel like at this point, nothing matters. I'm starting college after all my friends have graduated, I'm trying to improve my health while it rapidly declines, I can't even get a grip on my mental health without fifty other problems hitting me over the head.

How can I improve?

tl;dr the last thing I cherished about myself has left due to medication. Mounting stress is causing me to lose my shit. How do I help this?