That title has probably been posted on here a billion times already lol.

Basically, I am just sad. I'm in college and I commute to a school about 30 minutes away, and live at home with my parents who are happy to have me there (I pay for my car loan, gas, and financing on my phone. Everything else I am fortunate enough to have taken care of).

In high school, I had a very special relationship with someone that ended in heartbreak. I won't go into the details, but I broke our hearts. She is happily with someone much better for her. I am in a relationship currently, although I feel I may have more than I bargained for. I feel like we rushed things in the puppy love stage and now aren't living up to each other's expectations, although I do love her, but still long for the relationship I used to have.

I work long nights and weekends when I'm not at school, and where I work is often short staffed so taking time off is a luxury. I become irate and anxious when I have to stay even an hour longer because I feel like I'm already being stretched so thin that I don't have time for myself or my loved ones.

My friends go to school far away and come home less frequently, and every time they come back it just serves as a bittersweet reminder of the good times we had and the inevitable march of time and all that that brings. I actively avoid other people in town since I transferred out of a big-name state school, something people here see as blasphemy. I haven't made a single friend in two years of college because I hate putting myself out there for new people and feel vulnerable when I do.

Despite the fact that I do have my school and career goals seemingly on track, I still feel lonely even with my friends and girlfriend because I have never opened up about these things that bother me, especially my last relationship. I know I should talk to someone but I can't bring myself to do it. Opening up just brings me right back to that vulnerable feeling again. I don't hate myself and would never think of harming myself, but I feel inadequate both physically and in terms of satisfying the social and emotional needs of people I care about.

I just want to know if these are things that pass or if this is not the "normal" experience of someone my age. People always said college/life after high school would be better but for me it seems high school, or at least the high points of it, were the best times of my life. Maybe I don't miss my past, but I miss the way it made me feel. I dunno. Rant over I guess and if you took the time out of your day to read it, thank you.