I feel like we're working on a lot of things at once and making slow progress as it is... So I'm wondering how do I even bring it up? Ive been having nightmares/vivid imagery of the past abuse a couple times a week and it's bothering me.

Also have Christmas coming up and seeing parents of my abuser just makes me feel shitty because I think of their old house where it happened. But then when I tell my therapist I don't want to see family for Christmas I only mention I don't feel good and want to be alone as the reason and she encourages me to go.

Maybe she still would encourage me if she knew, since I'm not a child anymore and need to get over it, but still. My point is I can never verbalize the topic, like it's not important or it would be weird to bring up all of a sudden.

I feel like I should just keep focusing on anxiety/panic attacks + depression since it's going slow. I only want to bring up abuse because it's messing with my head now but I'll probably forget about it again next month - but at same time worried if my abuse kinda messed up my emotional and social development as a child and that's why I'm so fucked now. Ugh so confusing. What do I do