I think it was when she confiscated one of my DVDs and threatened to "get rid of" the rest of my belongings, that I discovered that my previously mysterious source of immense psychological stress was due to fearing my overprotective mother. She's a wild card, impossible to read, and I'm pretty sure she's psychologically abusing me. If you don't care about context, skip to the last paragraph.

Without going into too much detail, my mother was born in the late 60s, and lived on a farm in the middle of nowhere most of her childhood. She had an alcoholic mother, a father, who, albeit kind and caring, was always having to care for her mother, and an abusive older brother. She lived with them for 20 years before moving to a city where she met my father. They dated for a few years, before getting married (I've seen the wedding tape, no one showed but them and the priest), and having me a year later.

I grew up very isolated from the world, my mother being very overprotective and sheltering me from everything. When I was five, my sister was born, and like most new older siblings, I felt I wasn't getting attention. I bit people, kicked fellow kindergartners, and even flipped someone off. That was my big year of delinquent behaviour before I began to fade into the background, after noticing that my parents seemed to focus more on my younger sister. A previously social butterfly, I now intentionally isolated myself, and became an introvert with a serious inferiority complex. I didn't hate my sister though, I was a smart kid, and knew it wasn't her fault. We've a strong relationship to this day. My mother was so scared of the world that I was pulled out of 5th grade when my social studies teacher began teaching us about world religions. She "homeschooled" me for a year and a half, which basically amounted to sitting around all day and maybe watching a documentary or going to a museum every once in a while. This completely destroyed my social skills, and caused me to fall behind immensely academically. When I returned to public school for 9th grade, I was a wreck.

After stumbling through four hellish years with one girlfriend (we were really more like intimate friends, the furthest we went were snuggles and kisses), and a few friends who've faded from my life completely, terrible grades, and no plan for the future, suicide is honestly looking pretty attractive. I'm too scared of failing to try it though, and I know it would devastate my sister and father. What didn't help was fostering two young girls. My mother fell in love with the baby girl, and neglected the mentally challenged four-year old. I'm pretty sure the last shreds of her mind were utterly destroyed when both were taken from our home without warning, after the four year old had an accident at the park and was injured. This leads me to the most important part of this post:

I NEED to get away from this person. She is detrimental to my mental health, and ergo, my physical well being. I've a little physical job training, no chance of getting into any college other than community, no desire to go to college, no job, a bank account with $130 and debit card, a '98 Ford truck, and absolutely no ambition. What can I do to move out? I see no other options here.