I grew up in a very unstable household. My mom was physically and emotionally abusive (though after I started middle school she continued to only emotionally abuse me). She always used sexually abusive words when cursing me out which to this day affect me.

I have two older sisters; one who’s 14 years older and the other 10 years older and is mentally disabled (she can’t do anything on her own including talk or eat or control her bowel; she can only walk.). My dad left us when I was 10. When he left, my mom was in charge of taking care of me and my younger sister (my older sister went to another city for university and then found a job and never came back.). For the next 8 years, my mom’s abuse continued and, most of the time, she’d make an excuse to pick on me so tgat she could give me the silent punishment which would usually last for six months every year. One time I remember, when I was 14, she talked to me for only 3 months the whole year. Whenever she gave me the silent punishment, she’d refuse to cook enough food for all three of us so that I’d stay hungry at night. Whenever she got bored, she’d call me from upstairs (that’s where I lived when she raged) and make me apologize to her and then we’d make up again. At the age of 16, I was hospitalized for 9 months due to HLH (which is an inflammatory disease like rheumatism) and, although I don’t have a proof, I believe my illness had a psychosomatic nature became of the years of abuse and abandonment.

When I left the hospital, I had a lot to catch up on academically especially since it was the year before I went to university and so I was going through a lot of pressure. During this period, I suddenly became neurotic/psychotic to the point where I’d break everything in my reach when I got angry and physically and emotionally abuse my mom. Note that my anger was always towards her and only her. She even called the cops on me a few times and played the victim. Long story short, ever since I left the hospital

I have had this explosive rage in me towards my mom

I don’t like making friends

I don’t like having a relationship

I dissociate from reality easily which is seriously interfering with my work at graduate school now, though I’ve had this issue since childhood

I fear abandonment and always have rocky relationship with people at university. I frequently cut people off especially when we become too close

I have rapid mood swings.

My doctor has diagnosed me with PTSD. However, I think that my problems are far deeper than that. My question is do I possibly have BPD?