Looking at the past year, my mental health has gone down. There is nothing that I can pinpoint as the cause, but things are different from this time last year. I have a job that I like (for the most part), even though it's crazy and not what I fully expected, but I'm doing a good job. I have a loving wife, and a kitty (slightly worried about his health, but the vet said he was ok). I do have medical bills due to having some issues and that is giving me some stress, but none of it explains why I am feeling down and not happy. I feel like all my accomplishments are for nothing. I make 39k a year, but with bills and student loans, it doesn't end up being much.

Since around August, I've been thinking about death. Not suicidal thoughts, but that I don't want to die or anyone that I care about. I don't want my world to collapse after all the work I've done to get where I'm at, but I don't know how to change this thought pattern. Usually this feeling lasts maybe a week, but I've been thinking about death ever since August. I know I need to be thinking more positively, it's just hard. Maybe just getting this off my chest will help. I don't want it to continue anymore and I don't know what to do. I'm realizing that it is starting to affect my daily life and I don't enjoy things or relax as much as I used to. Today was just me sitting on the couch under some blankets and occasionally crying. I don't know why I'm doing this...