This post has its basis in 'childhood stuff' so just a heads up.

Tonight I was going for a walk and I witnessed a car crash and, for whatever reason, it has absolutely thrown me. I have been in therapy since last year dealing with childhood trauma and, since then/disclosing the abuse, have experienced brain fod and dissociation like I can never recall experiencing before.

I don't fully understand as to why after disclosing the abuse this has started but I 'get it' a little bit. What I don't get is why the car crash has made me feel so sick. I used to do volunter work for a first aid group I belonged to. I have literally trained to deal with this stuff (and did so when little). It was after I heard the bang that I dissociated (just felt 'dizzy' remembering it then too) and I cannot recall whether I actually saw the crash or just heard the noise. I have a vague memory of seeing it but I'm not sure (which ties in with a lot of the issues I have surrouding do I actually remember abuse or not (and I just went 'dizzy' then too)).

Walking home I was just out of it, get inside and my mum asks "Why are your eyes rolling back in your head?". It has been hours since (and I've lost all of those hours, I've been in a daze, just out of it) and the massive headache which started afterwards is still there. I wasn't in any danger, haven't been in or near a car crash myself but it has triggered something and I honestly don't understand what.

I used to think that, because of always being hyper vigilante, that I would 'come alive' during an emergency but the opposite happened here. Maybe I fooled myself previously and this is actually how I'd react but I saw another car crash, in the same place, a few weeks back and was fine. Actually did want to rush in and help.

This time I went to black out. Anyone have any idea why? As I wrote this I've zoned out a number of times. I don't get it.