Sorry if this really long or unclear, I'll do my best to clarify if need be.

After 10 years of being sort of ok, I suddenly started having panic attacks again. So far three since the new year started.

A little background: When I was 18 I had my first panic attack and went to seek help immediately. Got my self a great therapist, got the attacks under control but started self harming instead. It took me about a year to get that under control. I was ok for a couple of years, two years ago I attempted suicide and began seeing my therapist again. I have an emotionally instable personality disorder with borderline tendencies. After my suicide attempt I started to look at myself and my issues in a more serious and reflected way and I was getting so much better. Also my (ex) bf helped me a lot and I grew into a much better version of myself over the last two years.

But two weeks ago I suddenly had a panic attack out of nowhere. The bf and I went to a bar and I was told there were 60 more people to come. I got a bit claustrophobic, which grew into an attack, so I walked home while talking to my bff on the phone to calm me down. As soon as I opened my door I felt way better.

A week later I on my way to work (public transport) I started getting very nervous, sweaty and fidgetty which resulted in the next attack. Luckily I was almost there and got off the bus quickly and was able to walk it off. I was alone in the office for a bit and just did some routine things, like turn on the computer, making coffee and calmed down pretty quick.

Yesterday I had a major attack while at work. I told my supervisor a week prior to that what to do if I ever had an attack at work. I don't like being touched during the attack since I get that weird thing with bacteria and diseases, I think if someone touches me I'll get aids or lice, which just agitates me even more. So I sat on my desk and started feeling a little dizzy and thought I might just faint or something, so I layed down and called my supervisor. Another collegue got me a glass of water and they were very nice, we all thought I was just having a circleroundbreakdown. But then it hit me out of nowhere, I was hyperventilating and I was sure that the water was poisened and if anybody touched me I'd die. They left the room so I could calm down, I sat on the floor for like 30 minutes just shaking and thinking about that toxic water. Since I already drank some of it prior to the attack, I was sure I was poisened and toxic. My supervisor eventually managed to get me in the car after he promised someone would drive me home. He called my mom to let her know what happenend and to make sure she was there when I got home. As soon as I stepped in our apartment I felt better and just went to bed.

Did anyone ever have a similar experience? Nothing in my life is stressing me out too much, tbh. Sure, my job annoys me sometimes, the bf and I broke up, but on very good terms and we're still fwb (long story, but we're actually better off not being an official couple), uni isn't easy but I manage just fine... so I really can't find a trigger or anything in that sense. I'll talk to my therapist about it next week, but maybe some of you went through something similar and can provide some insight? Anyway, thanks for reading.

tl;dr: After 10 years of being sort of ok and working on myself I suddenly get panic attacks again.