On the surface I should have little to complain about. I am going to school, can focus enough to complete assignments, have a lovely partner who somehow is enamored with me, and am so socially anxious and self-aware that I have developed a good sense of humor as a defense mechanism. Nonetheless, I can’t shake a sense of shame about who I am.

(1) I feel like I have no skills, and when I put my mind to something (learning a language, playing an instrument, drawing) I always fizzle out. It’s gotten to the point where I can’t even read a book without stopping after a few pages.

(2) I have very few friends. And those friends I do have, I find myself being disappointed in. Largely I wish they were more talkative (I’m a male) and I am disappointed in the social dynamic the exists between us. I do feel like my lack of friends doesn’t bother me, because often I view time socializing as opportunities wasted where I could actually improve myself and develop skills.

(3) Similarly, I don’t feel close to my family. I am embarrassed to be around them largely because of how boisterous and socially unaware they are. I feel like there is little if anything to talk about. They don’t know much about my life, as I have always been very reserved and taciturn around them.

(4) I know these are “me” problems, and a lot of life is simply getting over them or accepting them. I guess I’m just curious if people have ever had similar problems. I know I am depressed, but it’s something I feel I can manage with exercise, avoidance of substances, and enjoyable times with my partner.

Thanks all!