Within the past few months I've been feeling spurts of depression, even to the point of getting unnecessarily angry, numb, and having suicidal thoughts. I've felt this way years before, and ended up moving far away and making myself very busy with a job that was able to have a good impact on a lot of people. I also ended up going back to school and keeping myself incredibly busy with that. Now, I'm in the city that I went to graduate school in, and at a job that I worked hard to get via school but realized that I really cant stand. My plan went I realized this was to work for a couple of years, and within that time figure out what I really want to do with my life. This changed when my coworker started to get passive aggressive and then yelling at me. My manager is very motherly but doesn't want to necessarily deal with the situation. She thinks that the relationship will just magically improve over time. It has taken many discussions with her for her to talk to my coworker just about communication. I've decided that I need to leave this job as soon as possible for my sanity. Finding a job that I actually like has been an issue though, and trying to even get an interview for these few jobs have been impossible so far. I know that I am feeling myself at times and can get a lot done, and move forward with projects. But when the depression hits, I cannot do anything, and end up just feeling disgusted with myself in every possible way. It has gotten to the point that I get incredibly angry with my SO over things that should be non issues. She is incredibly understanding and tries to ask if I am feeling "sad." If I feel like it at the moment I say yes, and she hugs/cuddles me. If i say no, then she does the same but tends to give me some space. She is a wonderful person who works way too many hours for her to come home and deal with a person like me who's really letting the emotions get the best of themselves. I cant stand it. But its so difficult to control. I also find myself getting mad at the most random things, such as things that friends say, and I actually have road rage which has never occurred before. I just want to go back to feeling good again. I think i have always had some sort of anxiety about life, but not to this extent. Sometimes I wish I was back in high school (something almost no one says right?). Even though it felt like a prison academically and with sooo many rules, I was just enjoying life.

Has anyone else experienced these spurts of depression/anger before? What has helped, what hasn't?

Example: Tried posting to r/needadvice, but got banned because the post has too much relationship information in it (it's depression, how can it not?). Got really angry that they would do this and almost sent a terrible message to the mods. This unnecessary anger has got to stop, just cant stop it when it does.