DID is myself, I have 4 personalities, one violent. They are expressed when under extreme duress. Sex addict was my partner. For history: Sex addict was cheating on me while our child was being terminated because the placenta implanted poorly. DA says DID tried to kill SA when one of the personalities went mental after losing the baby. One of my biggest qualms with our relationship is that any time I ask SA for something affair related (like below) his response is "what about me?". This has been consistent for about 7 or 8 months - it was not an issue prior to the third affair. I am not sure if I am the problem. Perhaps we shouldn't be together? I could use some advice from fellow people with mental health issues. Sorry if this is the inappropriate forum - i'd apprecaite advice from people in relationships with spouses that have brain disorders. Dissociative Disorders: You still have pictures of untapped from nights with Leslie I need you to delete them And any other affair I think Megan's hair studio is in there too

  Sex Addict: no it's not

 

Dissociative Disorders: I can see when you had Leslie over At Brodies again please delete it And don't argue Please scrub that I'd like to look up a beer without thinking about you cheating on me The breweries you took her too The bars you met other women at Delete them

 

Sex Addict: & what will you be doing?

 

Dissociative Disorders: What? What do I need to do to remove evidence of cheating on you? Please stop making work for me that doesn't exist in an attempt to show equality where it doesn't exist It's also an inappropriate time to ask that question

 

Sex Addict: no. its totally relevant. you only focus on the damage i've done. you always white wash over what your do that harms us

 

Dissociative Disorders: Ok I'm deleting all the photos from affairs i had too. You severely underestimate how many hurts you have to undo. I'm not apologetic for reactionary things. If it was something caused by you or long-term damage by you, I get free passes while I'm healing. We focus A LOT on my problems. Regularly remind me im a psycho, how I won't go back to a therapist who stole from me, how weed is a nasty drug, etc. How I brag about my career and money, but my life has no substance and my personal relationships suck. My parenting. The way I worship the Lord. And more. Budgeting, housing, shopping, exercise, my work. Everything I do is criticized by you and you rarely build me up.

 

Sex Addict: you severely how many hurts you cause by tearing me down. by minimizing my hurts by telling me to get help and telling me you are all better. by lying all the time. by building up the good things about you and only focusing on the negative about me and ignoring the bad things. by ignoring and stonewalling my hurts and concerns. bull shit. your lies are strong this morining

 

Dissociative Disorders: I build you up and encourage you and tell you I'm proud of you and stuff all the time

 

Sex Addict: you have criticized my budget and job and how much i make from day one remember, you are interviewing for how much people make next people you date Dissociative Disorders:

 

When you get job interview, race, when you take on something big and complete it 

Sex Addict: you tell me to get better jobs. to join the slower groups in races.

 

Dissociative Disorders: I always give you words of praise Like "I'm so proud of you!" And "you're so strong". I make a very conscious effort to praise you regularly. Because you dad didn't. So you can learn normal people things. But if you aren't hearing it I will stop.

 

Sex Addict: you make a bigger deal of tearing me down. especially when you are upset

 

Dissociative Disorders: If it's going to be "cut Dissociative Disorder down because she asked me to delete all the affairs of my drinking account day", I'd rather not talk.

 

Sex Addict: those hurt

 

Dissociative Disorders: That's fine i will stop praising you. If your brain doesn't want to hear it and ignores it, I'll save it or never do it. Don't know what to tell you Other then what you're doing right now is childish Delete the affairs, don't argue, don't make a bigger deal of it and try to drag my personal shit into it. Normal reaction is: "I didn't know I missed some I'll do it later ." "Sorry I know those things hurt you I'll take care of it." "Ok no problem." Saying : "WHAT ABOUT ME??????????" is an inappropriate response for an adult. You ask me to help you and teach you, which I try, but you don't want to learn. It's all very personal for you.

 

Sex Addict: this is a relationship. if i'm the only one who has done harm, this is not a relationship. i'm one of your employees or your child ^not IM MORE THAN WILLING TO DO THE THINGS YOU SAID ABOVE. I JUST HAVE TO KNOW I'M NOT IN THIS ALONE. THAT YOU ARE DOING SOMETHING TO WORK FOR US. TO HEAL THE HURTS YOU HAVE CAUSED ME TOO. THAT YOU AREN'T MINIMIZING ME OR THE PAIN YOU CAUSE SORRY EXCEL

 

Dissociative Disorders: Its ok, I moved to excel on my laptop SO I SOULD START SVREAMING TOO You seem to have this perception of me that I am a perfect snobby know it all. I do know a lot, its because I read a lot - I mean ALOT. I had to learn EVERYTHING. Did you know in my early twenties, I was dating a guy and he kept asking me why I gave him money when we fought? I actually thought it was normal to give people money after arguing with them because that's what my mom would do. She would take me shopping, give me cash, take me on vacation.. I actually thought thats how you expressed humility and asked forgiveness. I read so many articles and books on what it means to ask forgiveness - how you do it. Not just .. youtube videos. This is ike.. months of research on how to behave like someone who didn't get abused by their parents. How to listen (I am still working on this one). How to show affection. How to criticize (the sandwich is the easiest method here), still working on this one. One of the things I read over and over, is to never ever ever ever say "what about meee??????" When someone is expressing something negative or positive. The safest thing to do, is ask a follow up question and let them guide the conversation. Because they're emotional. I want to help you, I would LOVE to help you - but you have to trust me and believe I actually put a lot of work into learning how to have feelings, and function, and interact with people. My peer network of amazing friends is a reflection of that ability.

 

Sex Addict: so. you study all other people but me? and us

 

Dissociative Disorders: You aren't listening. You're still on the defense.

 

Sex Addict: i read a shit ton too. and do tons of work. you throw it in my face yes i am defensive. thats' what you just did for 5 paragraphs

 

Dissociative Disorders: "What about me" is an inappropriate response to "please delete the rest of the affairs".

 

Sex Addict: you didn't address my concerns you avoided and went all defensive

 

Dissociative Disorders: I am not going to talk about my problems after I asked for something. Ever again. If you want to bring it up at a later time, after you acknowledge what I have said and its been remedied, I am all ears. I am not going to keep encouraging you to do that. In some ways I do have to mother you and I don't mind. Just like at times you have to father me.

 

Sex Addict: i said, i'd delete what you asked and anything else i can find i also asked what you are doing. i have been hurt and harmed by you and all you do is minimize it and say "what about Sex Addict…" and refuse to forgive or implement what you have learned so. your reading and studying is not very useful up to this point

 

Dissociative Disorders: You didn't tell me you would delete it, you said "What about you". Verbatim.

 

Sex Addict: and reconciliation is important. if your mom hurt you in a monitary way, she did good by paying. if not,, its useless you should do what it takes to reconcile

 

Dissociative Disorders: You throw "begging for help" in my face - and I am trying to help you. You don't want my help.

 

Sex Addict: i have a lot more to do you refuse my beggings and pleads and minimize and say what about this other thing you did. fuck your feelings

 

Dissociative Disorders: I am telling you how this could go better, and helping. You want to argue. You refuse my help.

 

Sex Addict: help me by recognizing my feelings and doing the work that it takes to make me whole again don't read another book or another blog or vid. do the work

 

Dissociative Disorders: I will recognize your feelings when you bring them up on your own Not when I ask you to delete pictures of affairs and say "what about you" Unacceptable.

 

Sex Addict: i'm telling you hot to do it. you ignore me and read something else or run to someone else to validate you. you are more dirty and seek others when you say "what about me" i had affairs. you know about them.

 

Dissociative Disorders: I have told you a million times what you are doing is not normal and toxic. I have tried to help you recognize those feelings. You dont care. Sex Addict this isn't about the affairs. Its about the way you respond to criticism or being asked to do things that make you uncomfortable Saying "WHAT ABOUT YOU!!!???" Is not the appropriate response This spills into yesterday, when I said "I wish you would spend money on me" and your response was "I SPEND MONEY ON OTHER THINGS".

 

Sex Addict: you seek the attention of others to throw it into my face that's dirty and underhanded you have thrown it in my face that i have flight and you are fight. you want to beat the everliving fuck out of me and tell me that running away is bad

 

Dissociative Disorders: It isn't normal

 

Sex Addict: neither way has solved problems

 

Dissociative Disorders: Because you never bring me any of your problems outside of mine You are always piggy backing on my feelings. Its a thing that teenagers do. Its something we are supposed to grow out of.

 

Sex Addict: your ways are not good either you just insist on them no problem has been solved to date i'm working, you are not you are minimizing and saying what about this other thing Sex Addict did once he has become perfect, maybe then ill recognize his feelings and do some work

 

Dissociative Disorders: I had someone years ago chew me out for it - it was only years later I could look back on that relationship and realize they were trying to teach me something meaningful. I was stubborn and arrogant. No, I am saying, you bring up stuff at inappropriate times. I am trying really hard to teach you and not get angry. You want to argue. I want you to delete the affairs. It bothers me. Its a fair ask. It should escalate to all of this. The response should be "I understand". If you asked me to delete my affairs, I wouldn't have done all of this. It would not be showing humility for what I did by arguing and looking for ways to make it about the other person. Lot of grammar problems there Sex Addict: the immature and childish refuse their own harm and insist on their ways. hazel does this. you do too Dissociative Disorders: You blew this out of proportion I am not talking to you anymore. I can't keep doing this, repeat of yeterday, the week before, the month before. We should have stayed broken up Sex Addict. Sex Addict: no i have not. i'm telling you what is important. what has been important for months and months. you continue to refuse it Dissociative Disorders: I am done. Sex Addict: don't tell me what is important to me Dissociative Disorders: We are broken up. I tried to help I tried to teach, you cut me down and then made an argument out of deleting evidence of the affairs and tried to make it about something it isnt Stop talking to me Stop talking to me. Sex Addict: you continue to minimize me. i tell you how it feels and what is important Dissociative Disorders: STOP TALKING OT ME. STOP WE ARE DONE Sex Addict: yup. run away Dissociative Disorders: GOOD Sex Addict: yeah. taking you back was a mistake. i don't want to date a child Dissociative Disorders: This time I am not forgiving you. You don't see what you're doing you don't want help you don't want to grow. Get away from me Sex Addict. STOP TYPING GO GO AWAY Sex Addict: i already told you i'd do everything you said. you said, fuck your feelings Sex Addict. Dissociative Disorders: Yes fuck your feelings I can't fucking handle this Sex Addict: your immaturity is that of a child Dissociative Disorders: fuck off you're right I'm a child go Go awa Go find someone who is as mature as you You just did something fucked up and I'm not taking it anymore. Sex Addict: go read another book that allows you to validate how fucked up i am and ignores you all together Dissociative Disorders: no Stop talkiong We are done forever this is the last straw Go away GO SHOW A FUCKING THERAPIST THIS CONVERSATION YOURE FUCKING SICK

Theres a photo reference to show them When you come back to this years later 

Sex Addict: stop lying to therapists and get help Dissociative Disorders: I am going to go ahead and block you on everything If any of me respond to you, please do not respond. Block everything. Please get of my life Sex Addict: you do not have the right to tell me to get help or do anything else if you refuse it in your personal life. that's called being a hypocrite good bye Dissociative Disorders: I am blocking you here If any of me reach out to you, please fucking ignore them. This is Dissociative Disorder, this is my fucking choice. Stop taking adyarnage of my mental illness