In fall 2016 I started my sophomore year of college. To provide some context, over the summer I was dealing with the reality of my grandma having to start chemo right as I left for school, I was dumped, and my friends didn’t want to see me. A couple weeks into the semester, I was also rejected by every sorority on campus. Needless to say, I wasn’t in a good state of mind when I went back.

(I should also mention that I also have Asperger’s, depression, anxiety, ADHD, and a slight case of PTSD). This also was NOT a typical depressive episode for me, either.

For that entire semester, I felt completely unattached to the world around me. Often when I would walk to class, it felt as if I was watching myself, like I was on TV. Think of that one scene in “The Shining” where you see the kid riding his bike through the hotel from behind. It was like that. My college campus, which I became very familiar with, felt foreign to me. It was like I had never been there before, or I felt like I wasn’t supposed to be there. I even felt like I was living some days over again, even if what we were covering in class was completely different or if I had something different to eat.

As far as I can remember this was the first time where I’ve experienced something like this. While there were periods of time in middle school where a week felt like just a really long and boring day or my time outside of school being a blur, I’ve never had a sort of out of body experience like that. Luckily since I got out of college (it wasn’t for me and the stress made me suicidal) nothing resembling that has happened. The worst that’s happened is maybe a random crying fit.

I’d like to hear your thoughts on this if it’s not too much to ask.