I really haven’t explored this sub too much but it seems like a good place to just let out what’s on my mind and I’m typing on my phone so fuck grammar and punctuation. I am a college student at a large university and i feel like a complete outsider. For as long as I can remember I just cannot seem to create a bond with anyone new. I am not good at small talk or keeping a conversation. I can’t even keep eye contact with anyone new without Turing red in the face. I really want to be around people but when i am around them i just want to run away and hide. For some reason people still seem to like me and I do get invited to parties and out with people. However, I can never keep it together and act like a normal person and end up doing weird things. This has put me in a depression for almost six years but other family members also have mental health issues and I am seen as a person that can keep things together so I cannot talk to anyone about it because it would just end up putting a bigger burden on my family. I am just stuck in my head for most of the day and don’t know how much longer I can keep this up. I know that I will never commit suicide because I have a good family and do not want to put them through something like that but i honestly wish i was never born and alive today. I just wanted to tell anyone even if it was just random strangers on the internet so this is actually making myself feel a little better.