I just don't know what's wrong with me. I don't know.

I'm convinced they're poisoning me, they're watching me, tracking me, my dog is their spy, they hate me and want me dead. Everyone in the world can read my mind, they're watching me now, controlling me. I have parasites, I'm sure that's how they'll get me, some nasty parasites. Everything is some elaborate lie and they're going to kill me and that's it. I'm the weak one, I'm wrong it's my fault. Everyone hates me, they know I'm weak and they're laughing. You're laughing, they know I know. Everything is fake and it's after me.

I just. I know my ideas are unrealistic and fake but I'm so sure it's true. They ARE poisoning me, watching me, tracking my every move, and they ARE plotting my death. My family. They don't want me dead, yet I believe they do.

I don't know whats happening. I've been having these thoughts for years, but the poisoning and plotting my death only really hit me these past six months. I've had no hallucinations, I don't use any drugs, never drink, and I've been diagnosed with anxiety and depression (I've taken Zoloft for my depression for over a year). I've never actually told any doctor all of my feelings though because they'll use it against me or lock me up.

I know the internet doesn't have my magic cure or answer. I don't know what posting this will accomplish but I feel a bit better having said these things. I have an appointment this month and I hope I can work up the courage to discuss it with her. I'm taking someone I trust along with so perhaps if I chicken out they can help me find the words.