I am grieving and I don't know what to do. It's like a tidal wave that sucks me under and pins me down. And there are no resources or help for it. I lost my husband two weeks ago and I am failing to function and I literally can't get any help.

I have lost 30-35 pounds in the past month. This is not on purpose. I just... stopped eating, almost entirely. I forgot to eat from Friday to Sunday this weekend and could only manage half a bowl of chicken soup. Yesterday a friend made sure I ate half a sandwich, but that was because I was with him all day.

My sleep schedule is erratic, at best, and I can't sleep in our bed. When I sleep in our bed, I only dream of a) my husband's last moments before dying and b) that he's okay and wake up looking for him. I've actually taken to sleeping on the floor in a pile of blankets, but that's very uncomfortable and bad for my neuromuscular disorder. It seems to prevent the nightmares, though?

I've contacted a number of therapy groups/clinics/organizations in my area. They generally have a 3 mo wait list, particularly those advertised as LGBT friendly. I sent off a number of e-mails today to private clinicians but as I lay on the floor in a pile of blankets at 230 am when I need to wake up in 3 hrs for work, my hope wanes.

How do people manage grief? I am widowed at 31 without family and his family has effectively abandoned us as well. While not currently suicidal, as of two days ago, I also realize my current pattern is not... sustainable.