This is just me getting things off my chest, sometimes the illusion people read things can be comforting. I have Anxiety, Depression, and Narcissistic personality disorder. Makes for a hell of a combo Huh? (Quick little lesson some people may think having NPD and depression is contradicting, well it sounds like it, but NPD is just putting a golden sheet of perfection over self hate.) So I'm horribly selfish, self centered, almost zero sympathy for anyone, i can sleep and wake up reborn, no issues, fights, will be there after sleeping. I strive for perfection in everything I do, because anything less feels like failure. What a life right? I've abused alcohol, pain killers, drugs, I've self harmed. And roughly have been clean of it all for 6 years. I'm working on calisthenics, working on getting my life together. Oh I'm 26. For the better part of maybe 3 years I was single because I refused to hurt anymore people I cared about. It's almost like jackal and hide. There's ME a person that cares, then the flawless side of perfection where I can watch me from the back seat of my own head. Well I found someone, someone who didn't judge me for everything I am for once I wasn't a monster, it was pure happiness, bliss even, but it's going down hill and I'm slowly realising there is no happiness for people like me, almost like a demon loving an angel it could never last. No matter how much I try to work on the issues wrong with me, I hurt those I care about. Not suicidal so I don't want to give that idea. Life, even one where you live in the shadows is better then nothing. You may be asking where's my point? my point is there's no happiness for people like me and I'm slowly realising that fact.