Last year was rough. I was kicked out of my parents August 2016, and lived at my best friend's parents house for 10 months. Where I felt like just a leech. I was chasing after a girl who didn't like me, then a girl who led me on for a month, and after the date returned to her cheating ex. Then I finally got an apartment with some friends, which led to unending new financial stress. Then more girl problems. I also spent about 3 months where I was Drunk way more nights then sober. Plus shit tons of other minor stuff. Basically it was a very rough year, lots of anxiety, tons of depression, and many,many suicidal thoughts.

Well about a week and a half ago, I started talking to a new girl, and things have started to look up. I don't know why or how, but they just are. I've not had any severe depressive episodes for about a month, and really no serious suicidal thoughts/reckless behavior besides passing "calls of the void".

But now I just feel like I'm driving up a slight incline. I can't see over the hill, and it could be more road. But I just have this itching feeling there's a cliff. One I won't see until I'm already falling, and I'll just get worse than ever.

I want to be happy, but I can't be happy without thinking something horrible is on the brink of happening.

There's 7 billion people on the planet, and I'm certain I'm not the only one feeling this. But I guess I need some sort of reassurance I'm not the only one losing my shit because I'm suddenly kind of better.