I am not doing well mentally. I used to live alone and, while I enjoyed it, I was not healthy. This summer I was hospitalized twice for suicidal thoughts. I had been using prescription pills to get through work, and was raped. I never dealt with this.

I am currently living with family. I work full time and I am saving for school in the fall, but I rely on my mother for rides to work and appointments. I feel guilty being here. And I notice that at work I am just quiet, and feel like a child among adults. I feel a sense of shame when my mom sees me lounging in her living room, even though I work full time. I am always either in my uniform, or in pajamas. I have a history of childhood trauma but used to advocate heavily for myself. I no longer feel that strong, motivated, or self assured.

My mother told me that if I move out, she will help me with rent so I can continue to save. I get the feeling she would prefer I not live here but has also told me I can stay. I am full of anxiety. I think moving out could help me feel more "adult", but I am terrified to live so far from family, without a car, with roommates. I am only in this city for 7 months before I return to school, but I know nobody here.

I don't know if I am supposed to lay low right now or push myself. I feel tired and anxious, and just want to be cared for. I am 25 and feel like I do not deserve that.