I am 31 and realize that the life that I thought I would have will not be. For instance, the men that I like do not seem to be attracted to me. I don't meet any men where there is mutual attraction. I tried to be a bit more outgoing and I reached out to men on a dating site and no one is really responding back to me. Men rarely ever approach me outside. The men that I talk to online only sexualize me.

I want to get into entertainment (modeling, writing, reporting) but I keep getting rejected. I have not pushed the entertainment part enough but the attempts that I have made have all resulted in rejection. I can't understand why it's so hard to get into commercial modeling when I feel that I have a not bad looking face and I see other commercial models who I feel are just ok looking.

It frustrates me even more when I see just ok looking women with such handsome boyfriends and husbands and I can't understand why that can't be me.

I am a parent of a soon to be 13 year old and I realize that she is my main job, and the only thing that I can do kind of right is just earn and save money for us and be a good mom.

It saddens me to know that I will most likely be alone. I am getting older and will be less noticeable to men and the chances of me being passed over for younger professionals for whichever field I choose to get into increases. I should be well into my career right now but my temp job of 2 years ended two weeks ago and I am looking for a permanent position but I'm only finding part time positions. I'm just stuck. On top of that the jobs that I would like to do require me to possibly publically speak and attend meetings but I deal with anxiety (which has been under great control for 2 years but I don't know how a more demanding job will affect this).

I am trying to block out thoughts of dating and thoughts of being in the entertainment industry but I just don't know how to do that without feeling bitter. I don't want to feel envious of couples and those working in the entertainment industry.

It's like all of my life I'm inches away from being great. I hate it but I want to be able to accept my life as it is.

I should be grateful for all of the things that I have but it's never enough.