So to start off im drunk and english isn't my mother language so sorry for every mistake i made. I've beed diagnosed with BPD about a year ago and i don't take any meds or see a doc, i'm just living my life. I just came back for new years party that was hosted by a girl that i confessed my feelings to. I couldn't imagine a better girl than her although she migh be lesbiang ( shes not sure about this, but about 95% sure that she doensn't feel the same about me ) but she tried to come out as soft as she could. So i don't really care about anything else atm. only thing that keeps me alive is her i just don't want to make her upset about my death, what should i do, shit makes me crazy when i think that won't ever be with her but she's my only friend that i had in my 21 year life :/